An elephant perched high in the tree, solid in bark, as calm as can be. She doesn't fear that the branch might crack. For her own strong spirit has got her back. Unshakeable grace for all to see.

This post explores what confidence is, how a lack of it shows up and a beginning invitation to think about nurturing self-assurance.

Confidence refers to a belief in oneself, one's abilities, and one's worth. It is a state of assurance and self-assurance; a feeling that one can have faith in, or rely on, oneself, someone, or something. Confidence is a complex psychological construct influenced by various factors, and it can fluctuate over time and in different contexts. 

The Oxford Dictionary definition of confidence suggests it is "the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something" and I would argue that the someone includes you Self - to have faith in your Self

The psychology of confidence is a fascinating area of study that explores the thoughts, feelings, and behaviours associated with self-assurance and belief in one's abilities. Confidence plays a significant role in various aspects of our lives, including personal relationships, academic and professional success, and overall well-being

It is common for people to attribute confidence to who they are as a person, at the level of their self-identity: "I need to work on my confidence," "I don't have any confidence" and "I wish I had some confidence."

Oftentimes there is a generalised sense of lacking confidence in the 'self' and tasks one needs to perform; there may be a sense of inability to be successful, or a sense of inferiority, frightened to fail or lack of coping when the pressure to succeed is perceived as too high

When confidence is positively balanced, there is a felt sense of the ability to persevere during challenging times, to keep trying even in the face of failure, to take risks and try again, and to demonstrate focus and intention in action.

From an Internal Family Systems perspective (IFS), the state of confidence is considered one of the 8 C's of Self. In the IFS model the Self is the central or core aspect of a person that is always stable and present, and confidence in the process of IFS therapy is in one's ability to navigate the internal world successfully.

Nurturing confidence.

Building and maintaining confidence often involves a combination of personal effort, self-reflection, learning from past experiences, seeking support from others, and developing a practice of positive intention, which may include self-compassion, affirmations, physical movement, and journalling.

Confidence is not something one can 'fix' but more something to nurture. Fixing suggests to the psyche that there is something faulty or wrong. 'Nurturing' suggests that potential is present, and with the right psychological, physical and emotional environment, this can be developed and grow.

Working with the body is a bottom-up way of learning to listen to the signs it gives:

• Awareness - learning to listen – how is your body telling you that you do not feel confident?

Feelings in the gut? Sickness, icky feeling, butterflies

Breathing rate? Breathing high in the chest, shallow, holding the breath

Heart rate changes? Fluttering feeling, increase, decrease

Tension in the muscles? Which muscles? Neck, shoulders, legs, fists

Emotions? Edgy, angry, anxious, brain fog, despondent, hopeless, hyper-focussed

Behaviours? Want to run away, switch-off, be distracted, scroll, talk, exercise, eat

Mind chatter? What is your mind telling you? Listen into the chatter. 

• Registering this body response as a baseline

You could journal your thoughts out to become familiar with body response patterns over time. For example knowing how confidence is embodied, to practice this sensation and anchor it into the system

These feelings could be generated from a part of you that learned and developed to keep you safe at some level (historically) and is activated in the here and now, possibly practiced for a long time

• Acceptance - this is how you feel in this moment; this is 'what is'. 

There's no need to analyse; just observe, notice, and accept that your body is communicating all these sensations. What needs to be done is to learn how to support the body in developing improved sensations, emotions, and thoughts. To learn how to create a different STATE.

• Immediate support ideas - each are explained in more detail in the membership programme

Using Bach flower remedies on a daily, weekly basis

Learning breath-work techniques to develop calmness in the body

Developing a yoga practice to support the body in self-regulation, mind-chatter, breathing and focus

Therapy to work on some of the deeper underlying causal factors and build inner-resources

Coaching for developing confidence in specific settings such as work 

References:

Blake, A. (2018) Your body is your brain: Leverage your somatic intelligence to find purpose, build resilience, deepen relationships and lead more powerfully. United States of America: Trokay Press.

Schwartz, R.C. (2021) No bad parts: Healing trauma and restoring wholeness with the internal family systems model. Boulder, CO: Sounds True.