The gaslight
She stood before me, all sweetness and smiles, asking "why have you done that?", knowing full well it was her. With a knowing smirk etched faintly on her face, she walked away feeling glorious in her sense of twisted power, yet secretly covering her own bottomless shame of soulless abandon.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow doubts in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment. It's long term effects destabilise a sense of Self by causing doubt in decisions, actions, thoughts, choices, and much more. It is an insidious, and cruel form of manipulation on the part of one person over another.
The term is derived from the 1938 play "Gas Light," later adapted into a film, where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she's going insane by dimming the fuelled lights in their home and then denying that it's happening. The objective of gaslighting is often to destabilise the victim and delegitimise their beliefs or feelings, their values and oftentimes their sense of Self or Identity, thereby gaining power and control over them (Sarkis, 2017)
Gaslighting directly assaults an individual's epistemic sovereignty—the authority to know and claim one's own experiences. The manipulation is inherently an affront to one's autonomy and self-determination (Deci & Ryan cited in Hart 2021), concepts deeply embedded in philosophical discussions about the self (Abramson, 2014).
Gaslighting can lead to cognitive dissonance, anxiety, and a decreased ability to trust oneself (Dorpat,1996). The effects of prolonged gaslighting can mirror symptoms of complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) (Walker, 2013). According to Stern, (2018) therapeutic approaches to treating the victims of gaslighting may involve helping them;
- Become aware of what gaslighting is
- Recognise the manipulation for what it is
- How it has been used against them
- Recognise the symptoms they are experiencing in their mind, body, behaviours and sense of self
- Begin to reaffirming their sense of reality
- Rebuilding self-esteem through therapy with a therapist that understands all of the above.
Individuals with ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorders could potentially be more vulnerable to gaslighting due to difficulties in social cognition or executive functioning, although empirical research on this topic is sparse. Another group of individuals particularly at risk are highly sensitive people (HSP); having high levels of empathy and/or those with a history of family members who are narcissistic, or have narcissistic traits. This does not mean that not having these conditions mean you are immune;
- Many people can experience gaslighting at work from toxic management, and/or toxic work cultures
- Experience in marriage, gradually having your personality and sense of Self eroded by ongoing gaslighting over a long time
- Toxic friendships that purposefully undermine you, your feelings and choices in life (oftentimes due to jealousy, resentment and envy)
Psychological Effects of gaslighting.
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Erosion of Self-Trust: The victim of gaslighting begins to doubt their own memory, perceptions, and judgments, which fundamentally weakens their trust in themselves (Sarkis, 2017).
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Cognitive Dissonance: The conflicting information and doubt lead to cognitive dissonance, a psychological state where an individual experiences discomfort due to holding contradictory beliefs (Festinger, 1957) at the same time, and the experience of the tension between these beliefs is too much for the mind to handle. An example may be 'she is so kind' and 'she has just done this (horrible thing)' "I cannot get my head around it".
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Identity Fragmentation: In a therapeutic context, gaslighting may cause identity fragmentation. The victim may feel lost or disconnected from their previous self, leading to confusion about their core identity (Fisher, 2017).
- Dissociation: The human brain has a remarkable capacity for survival, through adaptation though learned experiences, including coping mechanisms to keep a person safe in traumatic experiences. Fisher (Fisher, 2017). explains a mechanism by which we can cope with these experiences is to dissociate; separating the part of the personality that experiences abuse. It can be experienced in a variety of ways including disconnect from feelings in the body, a zoning out from the here-and-now, loss of a stable identity. (Fisher, 2017).
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Interpersonal Difficulties: The manipulation often damages the victim's confidence in relating to others, making them hyper-vigilant and less capable of forming trusting relationships (Stern, 2018). This may lead people to withdraw from social situations and friends.
- Diminished Well-being: Gaslighting negatively impacts factors associated with well-being, such as self-esteem, optimism, and resilience. Techniques from positive psychology could potentially help victims regain a positive self-image and rebuild their sense of self (Seligman, 2011).
- Complex PTSD: Long-term gaslighting can lead to complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), a condition that involves long-term trauma and can deeply impact one's sense of self (Walker, 2013). CPTSD lowers the capacity for everyday functioning in life.
What do you do to heal your sense of Self?
By undermining one's faith in their own perceptions and judgments, gaslighting poses a serious threat to one's psychological integrity and sense of self. Therefore, addressing its effects requires a multi-disciplinary approach, including psychology, psychotherapy, EMDR, Somatic release work, yoga therapy, and potentially energy medicine for a holistic healing approach.
An expert companion is essential because the trauma happened in relationship, and needs to be healed in relationship, to re-gain a healthy sense of Self. It is not a quick fix, one & done approach; it requires depth work, stability, structure and someone you trust, which is oftentimes difficult given the nature of gaslighting in itself. A person who perhaps has walked this walk, and come out the other side, a form of post-traumatic growth and actually done the healing themselves, not just talk about it.
References:
I try to keep many of the references using journals to 'open access' so that readers have the choice of reading further if they wish to, however some are behind publisher paywalls, which I can access being part of a University, but the public cannot. Other references are books and occasionally web-links.
Abramson, K. (2014), Turning up the lights on the gaslight effect. Philosophical Perspectives, 28: 1-30. https://doi.org/10.1111/phpe.12046
Festinger, L. (1957). A theory of cognitive dissonance. Stanford University Press.
Fisher J. (2017). Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors: Overcoming internal self-alienation. New York, NY: Routledge
Hart, R. (2021) Positive psychology: The basics. London ; New York: Routledge, Taylor et Francis Group.
Sarkis, S. (2019) Gaslighting: How to recognise manipulative and emotionally abusive people ...and break free. London: Orion Spring.
Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. Atria Books.
Stern, R. and Wolf, N. (2018) The gaslight effect: How to spot and survive the hidden manipulation others use to control your life. New York: Harmony Books.
Walker, P (2013). Complex PTSD: From surviving to thriving. Azure Coyote